Surrender

"The problem with a living sacrifice is that is keeps crawling off the alter"

Here's a poem I wrote a while ago that mirrors that truth  :)




I feel a bit of a Jonah,
Like the prophet who tired to run
But where can I forfeit Your presence?
For everywhere's under the Son.
With all things considered
Yes, I feel I'm a bit of a git
For trying to do the impossible
I'm hopeless I can honestly admit!

I am rather pathetic
But You've got me where I am
And You are using me for Your purpose
Though just how I don't understand.
You see clearly I have this problem
That is amusing yet infernally dumb:
I have a flipping rebel heart that
Can't be bridled by a whack on the bum.

And You seem to have made it Your mission
To consume my every part
In a surrender of love, a sacrifice
That must start with my jolly heart.
You certainly cut to the quick, God
Doing things best Your way
In spite of my obsessed self and stubborn will
Despite my refusing and running away.

Flip it hurts, surrendering to You
When You take away things I have given
Verbally, but not physically when
Unwittingly after I've striven.
Yes, I've tried to delight myself in You
Enough to get them all back,
All the while You are waiting for me to be honest
To know You only, and then nothing lack.

I think countless times You've laughed at me
While I've been scheming to steal for myself
The things which once were blandly mine,
Unhealthy and musty as dust on a shelf.
Yes You laugh at me, and with me also
When finally I come to some sense
And see what an egg I've been to try
To take up dodgy self's defence.

And You love me, and are drawing me
After Yourself, giving Yourself extra work
Which I suspect You love, and know You
Excel in, victorious, while I feel like a dork.
For I cannot control will,
But I've heard all you need is need,
and I'm willing - again - to surrender my all
And with Your other returned rebel sheep feed.

I'm learning anew that You esteem patience
While I know my impulse get bored and quit
When things take longer than I want, but
Your will be done, God! Have at it!
I want all of YOU now,
Not enough of You to get what I want.
Your plans look great in the rearview
And in the present. And in the future.
Bring them on!

In His Love

I have been discovering more and more of God’s amazing love, And how He can work through us.

I was recently at a kids camp, with the primary intention of sharing the Gospel, and showing God’s love. At this camp in particular, I learnt more to rely on God more than what was previously usual. I relied on God fully for His love to be shown through me, for enthusiasm, strength, sleep, patience, wisdom and a lot of other random stuff. It completely changed camp for me. I was able to go five days on 14 hours sleep! I never lacked energy. I found I seemed to have the answers for the girls questions when I sent up an arrow prayer, and opened my mouth! I felt intense love for the girls that was fully not my own, and am excited that God has love like that for me! He sustained me throughout the week, and made me able, on His strength, to give out more than I was possibly physically able. It was on His grace alone I stood – and I have NEVER felt so FREE! At 4 in the morning when I had stayed up all night, I still had patience – and wasn’t tired the next day. Prayer works! I am resolved to do nothing on my own strength. Nothing because I have to. Everything because I want to. Everything ‘cause I want to please Him, not ‘cause I feel like I have to.

Why not join me?

The adventure begins!!!!!!

Risks!

To laugh is to risk being a fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement.
To express feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas and your dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.
The person who risks nothing -- does nothing, has nothing and is nothing.
They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love or live.
Risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
Only a person who risks is free.

I have been inspired by God to risk everything for Him. That means vulnerability - that means showing my emotions.  That means doing this completely out of my comfort zone. That means breaking every mould I ever fitted. But I am doing it! And it is such an adventure with my King! I can just feel in up above looking down at me doing what He wants, proud of me. And laughing at me sometimes. I laugh at me, too! He is with me.