Surrender

"The problem with a living sacrifice is that is keeps crawling off the alter"

Here's a poem I wrote a while ago that mirrors that truth  :)




I feel a bit of a Jonah,
Like the prophet who tired to run
But where can I forfeit Your presence?
For everywhere's under the Son.
With all things considered
Yes, I feel I'm a bit of a git
For trying to do the impossible
I'm hopeless I can honestly admit!

I am rather pathetic
But You've got me where I am
And You are using me for Your purpose
Though just how I don't understand.
You see clearly I have this problem
That is amusing yet infernally dumb:
I have a flipping rebel heart that
Can't be bridled by a whack on the bum.

And You seem to have made it Your mission
To consume my every part
In a surrender of love, a sacrifice
That must start with my jolly heart.
You certainly cut to the quick, God
Doing things best Your way
In spite of my obsessed self and stubborn will
Despite my refusing and running away.

Flip it hurts, surrendering to You
When You take away things I have given
Verbally, but not physically when
Unwittingly after I've striven.
Yes, I've tried to delight myself in You
Enough to get them all back,
All the while You are waiting for me to be honest
To know You only, and then nothing lack.

I think countless times You've laughed at me
While I've been scheming to steal for myself
The things which once were blandly mine,
Unhealthy and musty as dust on a shelf.
Yes You laugh at me, and with me also
When finally I come to some sense
And see what an egg I've been to try
To take up dodgy self's defence.

And You love me, and are drawing me
After Yourself, giving Yourself extra work
Which I suspect You love, and know You
Excel in, victorious, while I feel like a dork.
For I cannot control will,
But I've heard all you need is need,
and I'm willing - again - to surrender my all
And with Your other returned rebel sheep feed.

I'm learning anew that You esteem patience
While I know my impulse get bored and quit
When things take longer than I want, but
Your will be done, God! Have at it!
I want all of YOU now,
Not enough of You to get what I want.
Your plans look great in the rearview
And in the present. And in the future.
Bring them on!